All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
