I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
