Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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