i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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