Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
