susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
