Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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