my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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