He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
