Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Randomize
