So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
