I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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