Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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