For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
