You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
