kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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