i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
