I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
