Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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