what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
