"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
