OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
