She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
