i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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