@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Drake has all the answers
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
