i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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