You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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