he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
