I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
