so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
