Pants 0. Shit 1.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
