You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They have beer where we have blood.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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