just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
