Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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