I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
