My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
