i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
