i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
