I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
