Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
