You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
