why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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