Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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