Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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