I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
