Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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