My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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