She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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