I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
