Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
