new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
