remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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