I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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