I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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