I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
