Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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