Me. At least after what I've been through.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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