Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
