Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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