lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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