Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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