so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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