I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
