He asked to "fluff my boner.."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
