I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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