The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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