I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
