I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
